To Blog or Not to Blog.

Hello anonymous world. I've debated blogging... would anyone read it? Do I really have anything of significance to say? I'm not sure of the answer to either of these questions. Would I read what I have to say if I were the third party? Who knows... I'll just treat you as my online journal.

So who am I? Just call me Bea. I am a military spouse living at our overseas home while my husband is once again deployed. We have one little girl who is the spitting image of her father, so in some ways, he isn't all gone and I get to see him daily. That said, I think the depression that follows his absence is finally setting in. We are approaching the one month mark, so just the beginning, and the void in my life is obvious. Things just don't feel right. Granted I've been under the weather, so I'm sure that doesn't help, and the weather has been poor. That in and of itself would demolish any semblance of motivation, so I'm not yet sure if it is the deployment getting to me, or the one-two punch of illness and rain. My little girl, we'll just call her Missy, brightens my day. Her energy is to be envied and her giggle and white pearly smile really do light up the room even in the grayest of days out here.

So what do I have to say of consequence? My day was uneventful at best. Missy and I woke up late, scrambled ourselves together and met some friends for a playdate. The indoor gym was jam packed, I've never seen so many rambunctious children and absentminded parents. But that's judgmental... I still find other people's children overwhelming and their parents... well... I try to be empathetic, but I just do not understand a good percentage of parents these days. Are they just overwhelmed, so they've thrown their hands up as far as raising their child(ren)? Do they seriously just not care? Hey I brought them into the world, I did my part... done? Or are they really so delusional to believe their hyperactive demon of a child can do no wrong? Some parents seem like they are just itching to come to blows with you. Venting frustration on you for having to live with their little, uncontrollable monsters? It's bewildering really, and completely demoralizing. I spend so much time trying to raise my child properly for what? Don't hit... but then your kid pushes my kid around or worse, actually does hit mine. Okay... no problem, we'll leave so the situation doesn't escalate further... but why should my child have to be removed, not enjoy the playground or wherever it may be, because your child cannot behave? My child is the one that misses out and essentially gets punished for doing nothing wrong. This is all hypothetical. While I've heard many a horrifying tale of playground bullying, school inaction (or overreaction for that matter), etc. my child as of yet, has not really been the brunt of such brutality. But I am anxious over it. How will I react? What will I do? What are you supposed to do? I cannot imagine seeing another child truly hurt mine. Sure, little scuffles here and there, whatever. But to maniacally and intentionally hurt mine when you are old enough to know better? My guess would be I'll be tempted to put that kid's head through the wall, BUT for my child's sake I'm sure that would not be the best course of action, despite how gratifying it would be. Sigh, perhaps we'll just lock ourselves inside and peer at the little monsters from our windows ;) Just kidding... heavens that'd be creepy.

Well that turned into quite the long-winded rant. Dear Mom at the playgym with her 6-8 year old boys (I'm not sure specifically of their age), you gave me so very much to ponder over. While they weren't doing anything fantastically interesting this time, they are too old for a gym meant for toddlers, and I find it a little odd that you ignore them and their poor behavior the entire time and rely on other parents to discipline them for you. Again, I was not the one to step in, but as an observer, it was weird. This is not my first encounter with you. I was quite horrified the first time I met you when your sons were running around biting other children. I'm sorry I did not know you were their mother when I, quite irritated, proclaimed they were too old to be biting and that there would be a big problem if one of them bite my daughter. It's unfortunate that you overheard me. I would have liked to have phrased it a bit more kindly. But on the same token, WATCH YOUR DANG KIDS AND DISCIPLINE THEM! Why is an approximately 7 year old child biting?! Am I in the minority in thinking this is completely unacceptable and abnormal? Am I supposed to laugh it off, shrug my shoulders and just say "kids will be kids"? I mean sure, to some extent... but biting at 7 yrs old? Is that really a kid being a kid? Making my second guess my decision to produce one of these little gremlins if that's the case...

Anyway, after the playgym I put Missy down for her nap, aka babble-in-her-crib time. I cannot really blame her though, the lawn care people were quite loud and while I'm beyond grateful to not be mowing/edging/weeding my yard, I can't help but laugh at the irony that they ALWAYS come during nap time. At least the yard looks quite nice :) Well, to round out the day, I decided to feed into my self-pity and lack of energy. I called up a friend and to avoid being productive at all, we went out for dinner down the road and picked up some chocolate bars at the convenience store. And then we watched a chick flick which was just fine, although it did of course only increase my longing for my husband. Oh woe is me! :P I'll survive I'm sure.

Well, there's my post. Thank you my little diary for listening to me vent and postulate aloud. They may not be deep thoughts, but they are my thoughts. Here's this little military wife signing off.

-Bea